tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
