We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
