At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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