is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
