I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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