My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
