the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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