i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
