Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
