there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
