That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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