Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
