she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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