my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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