there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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