I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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