Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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