I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
