I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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