does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
