Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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