I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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