I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
