Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
