He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
