Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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