Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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