if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
