I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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