Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
