No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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