i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
