guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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