She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Your cock deserves a montage
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
