I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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