hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
