Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
