Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
