just come out here and I will go home with you...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
