I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
