you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
