Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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