That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
