either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
