i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
