I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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