you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
