ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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