You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
