I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
