I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
