Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
